Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Proper Way To Question Potential Roommates.
We all know how difficult it is to interview potential roommates. Most of the time, they look perfectly normal. Then they move in and you realize that they are completely insane and despite all normal appearances, love sacrificing cats, chickens and other small animals to Dagon.
So, to counteract this potential debacle and confrontation of spiritual realms, we have the opportunity in this age to Google people. However, the crazy ones are clever about hiding all their crazy on the internet, so Google is no help. Which that means we are left with asking them to fill out questionnaires about themselves. However, in order to make sure they don't realize you suspect they are complete nut job who probably escaped from from a padded cell a couple of days ago, which explains that awesome white coat they are wearing, you have to be sneaky.
It is best to ask a couple of innocuous questions before jumping straight into the hardcore stuff. Mix it up a little. Ask their favorite colour before subtly asking how much they enjoy vehicular manslaughter. Below, you'll find a questionnaire that will enable you to adequately determine the level of crazy of any prospective roommates. Luckily for you, it's already formatted for Craigslist!
Happy hunting, and good luck in avoiding the crazies!
craigslist> housing> apartments for rent
Roommate Wanted
Date: 2010-08-27 09:17PM MDT
Reply to: 1193753857@craigslist,org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hi, I am looking for a roommate to share my 2 bedroom apartment downtown. If you are interested, please reply to this ad with the answers to the following questionnaire:
1. What is your name?
2. What’s your favourite colour?
3. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is never, and 10 is always, how often do you rape people?
4. What’s your favourite food?
5. Are you a neat (tidy) person?
6. Do you often eat human hands?
7. If yes, do you eat hands from dead corpses, or from live victims?
8. Do you snore?
9. Do you often take showers in excess of 30 minutes?
10. Are you an escaped convict?
11. If you answered yes to #10, what was your crime?
A) Vehicular manslaughter
B) Armed Robbery
C) Use of the phrase “a lot” as one word (“alot”)
D) Defacing a national monument
12. What do you typically do on a Friday night?
A) Go to the movies
B) Hang out with friends
C) Throw virgins into volcanos
D) Read a book
13. What is your favourite outdoor activity? (Circle all that apply)
A) Hunting healthy young adults to harvest their organs
B) Strolling in the park
C) Recycling
D) Skinning small animals alive and hanging them from trees
E) Fixing cars
F) Gardening
G) People watching
14. How do you typically spend your time on the internet?
A) Talking to people on web forums / chat rooms
B) Stealing identities
C) Updating Facebook
D) Doing biomolecular research
15. What mental illness (if any) do you have?
A) Dissociative Identity Disorder
B) Schizophrenia
C) Shopping Complex
D) ADD
True or False:
16. The earth is round
17. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains
18. You will succeed on Broadway without a sufficient amount of people of Jewish heritage
19. You shoot lasers out of your eyes
20. You enjoy kidnapping small children, and roasting them in an oven
- It’s NOT okay to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1193753857
So, to counteract this potential debacle and confrontation of spiritual realms, we have the opportunity in this age to Google people. However, the crazy ones are clever about hiding all their crazy on the internet, so Google is no help. Which that means we are left with asking them to fill out questionnaires about themselves. However, in order to make sure they don't realize you suspect they are complete nut job who probably escaped from from a padded cell a couple of days ago, which explains that awesome white coat they are wearing, you have to be sneaky.
It is best to ask a couple of innocuous questions before jumping straight into the hardcore stuff. Mix it up a little. Ask their favorite colour before subtly asking how much they enjoy vehicular manslaughter. Below, you'll find a questionnaire that will enable you to adequately determine the level of crazy of any prospective roommates. Luckily for you, it's already formatted for Craigslist!
Happy hunting, and good luck in avoiding the crazies!
craigslist> housing> apartments for rent
Roommate Wanted
Date: 2010-08-27 09:17PM MDT
Reply to: 1193753857@craigslist,org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hi, I am looking for a roommate to share my 2 bedroom apartment downtown. If you are interested, please reply to this ad with the answers to the following questionnaire:
1. What is your name?
2. What’s your favourite colour?
3. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is never, and 10 is always, how often do you rape people?
4. What’s your favourite food?
5. Are you a neat (tidy) person?
6. Do you often eat human hands?
7. If yes, do you eat hands from dead corpses, or from live victims?
8. Do you snore?
9. Do you often take showers in excess of 30 minutes?
10. Are you an escaped convict?
11. If you answered yes to #10, what was your crime?
A) Vehicular manslaughter
B) Armed Robbery
C) Use of the phrase “a lot” as one word (“alot”)
D) Defacing a national monument
12. What do you typically do on a Friday night?
A) Go to the movies
B) Hang out with friends
C) Throw virgins into volcanos
D) Read a book
13. What is your favourite outdoor activity? (Circle all that apply)
A) Hunting healthy young adults to harvest their organs
B) Strolling in the park
C) Recycling
D) Skinning small animals alive and hanging them from trees
E) Fixing cars
F) Gardening
G) People watching
14. How do you typically spend your time on the internet?
A) Talking to people on web forums / chat rooms
B) Stealing identities
C) Updating Facebook
D) Doing biomolecular research
15. What mental illness (if any) do you have?
A) Dissociative Identity Disorder
B) Schizophrenia
C) Shopping Complex
D) ADD
True or False:
16. The earth is round
17. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains
18. You will succeed on Broadway without a sufficient amount of people of Jewish heritage
19. You shoot lasers out of your eyes
20. You enjoy kidnapping small children, and roasting them in an oven
- It’s NOT okay to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1193753857
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