To whom it may concern:
We would like to apply for the job of “Professional Exterminator” as advertised on monster.com. We realize that you may think it a bit odd for us to apply as a team, but let us assure you, we will prove to be an invaluable and lethal part of your organization. Combined we have over 30 years of “exterminating” experience. As requested in your ad, we are familiar with all the tools of the trade, including but not limited to: laying traps, poisonous gas, anthrax, glitter, radiation (from a tactical nuke), shrapnel grenades, knives, and Kanye West CD’s. We have worked together for so long that our minds are completely in sync, much like the way women’s menstrual cycles become in sync after spending extended periods of time together.
During our top secret special ops training in lgbtqqia-wtf-do-all-these-letters-mean-istan, we were part of an elite task force called the flannel fairies. Our top secret mission was to infiltrate western civilization, and bring town the sanctity of marriage and wholesome family values, but when we got here, we were distracted by shiny things, and are now trying to make money blogging like all those poor losers living in their parent’s basements. Or are we? Perhaps we’re just so undercover that we appear to be ineffectual. And if that’s the case, just think how invaluable we would be to your organization. Or else… Haha, just kidding! Maybe.
Love Always,
Flannel and Glitter
P.S. This message will self destruct, taking you and your whole family along with it if we are not selected for the position.
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